Latest Special Interest “Lie to Me”

I am not sure if anyone caught on who has been reading my blog for a while, but I have gone into a slight psychopath/narcissist/liar special interest over the year. I actually, started research about narcissists in 2002. I got caught up in my religion special interest and put that one on the back burner – little did I know that the two would interweave later in my life. I have not shared that much about my religious experience and I am still not sure that I will. It is too touchy and I would feel awful if people misunderstood my intentions. However, I do have a painful history with church and church leaders/people. I have shared several of those experiences on here, but I still have not gone in-depth. I have found that my special interest regarding how the brain works and why people act the way they do has been with me since childhood.

I believe it stemmed from trying to figure out my parents and seeking ways to protect myself from emotional pain.

If I could only figure why then, I could let it go! However, I have discovered that sometimes the whys are unanswerable or the reality of the why may be more painful than not understanding. Although, if I had a choice I would still want to know why because I can work with that — I do not work well with unasnwerables. Though my special interest in human behaviors and mental workings has been with me a lifetime, I still find myself constantly learning something new. I think that may be what keeps my spark going — humans always change, but somehow stay the same! Oxymoron. I have a love-hate feeling about that. I would not want to bind myself to being exactly the same all the time, however; a dabble of consistency would be nice from some fellow humans. 

I am garrulous today, forgive me.



Continued ... Latest Special Interest “Lie to Me”

Latest Special Interest “Lie to Me”

I am not sure if anyone caught on who has been reading my blog for a while, but I have gone into a slight psychopath/narcissist/liar special interest over the year. I actually, started research about narcissists in 2002. I got caught up in my religion special interest and put that one on the back burner – little did I know that the two would interweave later in my life. I have not shared that much about my religious experience and I am still not sure that I will. It is too touchy and I would feel awful if people misunderstood my intentions. However, I do have a painful history with church and church leaders/people. I have shared several of those experiences on here, but I still have not gone in-depth. I have found that my special interest regarding how the brain works and why people act the way they do has been with me since childhood.

I believe it stemmed from trying to figure out my parents and seeking ways to protect myself from emotional pain.

If I could only figure why then, I could let it go! However, I have discovered that sometimes the whys are unanswerable or the reality of the why may be more painful than not understanding. Although, if I had a choice I would still want to know why because I can work with that — I do not work well with unasnwerables. Though my special interest in human behaviors and mental workings has been with me a lifetime, I still find myself constantly learning something new. I think that may be what keeps my spark going — humans always change, but somehow stay the same! Oxymoron. I have a love-hate feeling about that. I would not want to bind myself to being exactly the same all the time, however; a dabble of consistency would be nice from some fellow humans. 

I am garrulous today, forgive me.



Continued ... Latest Special Interest “Lie to Me”

The World We Live In …

Sometimes I get lost in our world. I admit, I begin to forget that many people do not have a positive outlook about Autism. I forget that they are hurting so much for their child or themselves as an adult Autistic that they say negative things or speak openly about how much they hate it. I forget that people do not understand and many do not want to understand the point of view from those of us who fully accept that Autism is hard, painful, and downright exhausting a lot of the time – even stirring up emotions of hopelessness, but we chose to be proactive. We chose to seek the positives and pull from our strengths and the strengths from our children. (Those of us who are parents.) I forget that some parents cannot see any strengths. I forget that they too are blinded and exhausted because they are living in their world secluded from adult Autistics like myself or children like my kids.

I forget how easy it is for people to generalize and stereotype all of us into one single voice.

I forget that all of us are capable of generalizing, leading into dehumanizing, ultimately manifesting minds that have created demons out of those who we have never encountered in real life. I see the words of those who “hate” Autism and I hurt. It riles up fear for my kids, it ripples anger at generalizations and that lack of effort people put to truly find out what they hate on, it makes me want to shutdown and never share any part of our life because it seems pointless. However, I refuse to react out of heated and unbalanced emotions. I refuse to turn this into anger against those who have hurt me. At this moment, I am taking the time to think about those of you who hate, who are angered, and who want to be heard for your opinions – I am validating you.

I am thinking of you and your world.



Continued ... The World We Live In …

School On The Kitchen Floor, Yeah Baby!

The last two weeks have been a struggle for the kids to stay focused and get their schoolwork done. I am not exactly sure what it is, but I am sure there are multiple factors. It normally happens when we go, go, go without a break. The work load has been heavy and there are additional assignments with state testing for Ariel, Daniel has speech homework, and he and Joshua have OT homework throughout the week. All three also have participation homework to go with their virtual classes then; there are their daily lessons and quizzes. They get burned out even when they do get the weekend off. I get burned out too. It is a lot of work for all of us. Daniel has been stimming a lot more lately.

He has been seeking visual and auditory input constantly.

However, when he does that it makes it a bit challenging for him to focus on school work. Ariel and Joshua have taken many breaks and school has stretched into taking the whole day. They are able to get their daily assignments complete it is just much later than when we normally end and we have had to do several lessons on the weekends. Daniel on the other hand can take up to two to three hours sometimes even longer to complete one full lesson and assignment. It all depends on the day and his needs for the day. By allowing him this freedom Daniel is able to do very well in school. I am not so sure he would get this same type of freedom or encouragement in a regular school environment.

There are some lessons that Daniel will complete in a matter of minutes.



Continued ... School On The Kitchen Floor, Yeah Baby!

“But I Love It So, So Much!”

I have decided to read my posts about the kids to them before I publish and see if they feel comfortable with what I am sharing. All three kids were present as I read this out loud, it was a happy experience for all of us. I also, found that it helped Daniel with recalling events and talking about his feelings. Hm .. I wish I would have started this sooner, oh well I will now. 

This was Daniel’s third week of music therapy. The first week he was incredibly anxious, but that had more to do with all of the changes that he had been trying to transition into from my new schedule, his new schedule, and David’s new schedule. He was “happy anxious” about going, however; when we went he wanted me with him because it was new. After a fabulous first session, we ventured to the lobby to head home. I asked the accounts manager some questions and Daniel immediately went to a solar-powered sunflower that was sitting on her ledge. He asked me a ton of questions – I was not aware that so many questions could be asked about such a little object that had memorizing dance moves. 

Daniel refused to leave for several minutes, I was not sure if I was going to be able to get him to part with that little sunflower.

It became a bit awkward, but you know Daniel’s feelings and handling situations like that in positive ways take precedence over anyone else. Frankly, I no longer care if other people are uncomfortable. I am referring to a parent that was in the lobby waiting not the staff or therapists. They were all smiles and tried to hide their “ok, that is a lot of questions and quite an intense interest in a solar-powered sunflower” faces. We could not stay there all day so I told Daniel that we would look it up on the computer when we got home.

He begged me on the way to get him one.



Continued ... “But I Love It So, So Much!”

Make-Up I (repost)

I was just now putting on some make-up, getting ready for the early birthday bash we are throwing for Daniel and Ariel. We are celebrating today because it is the best time for my mom and sister to come. It was supposed to be my two sisters but one had to work unexpectedly, she is also expecting to take her preemie baby home next week and since the actual birthday is during the week, we went with today. Unnecessary info? Anyway, as I was putting on some make-up, I remembered why I don’t wear make-up. I really can’t stand the feeling on my face. It annoys me and feels like I am wearing a mask.

Although, I do like to wear a bit when I go out.

I like to feel as though I look good, for some reason it makes me feel that way. I think it is all psychological. My experience with make-up is stemmed in a special interest of my mother’s. When my mom was about 13 years old, one of her aunts gave her a Seventeen magazine. Before this she had no interest in beauty products and really didn’t see the need. Of course she was 13 years old so there was no real reason for her to be thinking of that back in the 60′s, right? Well she thought that it was the greatest thing ever. She was enamored with the fashion, which would be enticing because her special interest was sewing and making her own clothes – as she looked through the pages and studied all of the clothing she also noticed their faces.

Being an artist, I am sure that the face used as a canvas was enticing as well.

Continued  ... Make-Up I