Saturday, March 30, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
A-ha! Moment & Some 80′s Music
"It is my head and no one else is allowed in there to mess with me! I have been slowly doing this, but today I truly understood the importance. My eyes were opened to how much I have allowed others to stay in my head filling it with negativity. I admit I have felt hopeless in this area for quite a while, but after my therapist telling me to be kind to myself and to understand that this has been going on for a long time, it helped me to see that I cannot change all of this over night. The reality is that we will encounter people like this in any area of our life. The best way to protect ourselves and help smite out confusion and self-doubt is to understand how they operate. It helps to gain control over what we can our own minds, actions, and responses – set boundaries." ~ Me
My post finally grasping boundaries for myself. :-)
A-ha! Moment & Some 80′s Music
My post finally grasping boundaries for myself. :-)
A-ha! Moment & Some 80′s Music
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Wordless Wednesday(?) Sea Monkeys & Such
I cannot be wordless. No matter how hard I try, I must say more than, a picture or two (billion.) I plan to make this post short though. I feel that I need to get something out. I have to force myself to write something because my brain is jumbled with thoughts and emotions. I know what I want to write, but I also know that if I start writing I may end up with another whole series of posts that I do not have time to write about at this time. I am having great revelations for myself. I feel as though my brain has been stuck in a vortex and I clawed myself to clarity that I have not had in a very long time.
Quite honestly, I do not remember when exactly, but I know this feeling.
continued ...
Wordless Wednesday(?) Sea Monkeys & Such
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Double, Double Toil and Trouble
Macbeth, anyone? Many people seem to know the line “Double, double toil and trouble,” but I have wondered how many actually know what it means. It sounds rather forthright, double your struggles, exhaust yourself to get something done not in a positive way so to speak, but more like draining yourself of all energy to the point of it being burdensome. Then, we have trouble, stir it up by double let’s keep churning and spinning to the point that we become mentally agitated, emotionally, spiritually drained, mess our minds into confusion, chaos, etc …
the rest of the post. :-)
Double, Double Toil and Trouble
the rest of the post. :-)
Double, Double Toil and Trouble
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
I Did Not Expect That
For some reason, I have no explanation whatsoever as to why I did this, but I went in search of my ex-husband’s online. I have done this before, but did not find anything except from my first husband who by all internet accounts is doing fabulously. He contacted me several years ago because he was to be remarried and needed me to fill out some sort of paperwork for him. He is Catholic and was going to be remarried in the Catholic Church, and the marriage needed to be annulled through the church.
It was a positive experience.
I was happy for him and hearing from him removed some fears that I had about him thinking that I was a horrible person. We should have never gotten married. I knew that from the beginning, but I did not know how to say, no. I did not understand how to be in a relationship. I liked him very much as a person and felt that would be enough to make a relationship work – it did not work for him or me. We were both miserable and at very different places in our life. He was happy in his hometown, with his friends, near his family, and living a particular life that I would never fit into.
continued .. I Did Not Expect That
Misinterpreting
Definition of MISINTERPRET
1: to explain wrongly
2: to understand wrongly
In this word lies one of the most important concepts that I have learned in this last year. I have discovered that one of the main reasons for my mass amount of confusion is that people misinterpret me and my actions and I misinterpret theirs. What I have found to be the most confusing and now the most helpful thing to know is that my whole life I thought that people were thinking the same thing as I was thinking. I now understand that they do not. When I say something I am being straight forward, I have no hidden meaning in what I am saying. I actually had no idea that other people did have hidden messages in their words that needed a decoder to figure out.
For example, I had a friend once say to me that she wanted to leave her husband because things were so bad.
continued ... Misinterpreting
Processing Expression, I Suppose…
Again with the processing, I know. I have all kinds of files busted open in my mind they have spilled over and are causing chaos. 
(Keep that in mind while reading I am not sure if I am making sense.) I am feeling sad, my head is telling me that it is useless to interact with anyone, and it is pointless to ever talk to my family again. No one gets me. As much as they love me and try to interact with me, I cannot conform. I feel alien, we think so differently. Even when it seems that we have had clear communication we do not. I feel fake after leaving them. I feel like I am hiding so many parts of me as a means to protect myself. I think it was triggered by the contrast between how I interact with my mom and how I interact with the rest of my family.
At this very moment, my heart hurts so badly. (Keep that in mind while reading I am not sure if I am making sense.) I am feeling sad, my head is telling me that it is useless to interact with anyone, and it is pointless to ever talk to my family again. No one gets me. As much as they love me and try to interact with me, I cannot conform. I feel alien, we think so differently. Even when it seems that we have had clear communication we do not. I feel fake after leaving them. I feel like I am hiding so many parts of me as a means to protect myself. I think it was triggered by the contrast between how I interact with my mom and how I interact with the rest of my family.continued ... Processing Expression, I Suppose…
Positives About My Autistic Son
Today I took Daniel to a new psychologist to gain resources, plans, ideas, etc. for behavioral therapy, learn to identify and express his anxiety, and to try to learn more about Daniel. I am with Daniel almost 24/7. The only time I am not with him is when I go to the store or try to get some very rare time by myself.
It does not happen often.
I am working on that because another goal that I have is to help Daniel become more independent of me. Even though I am with Daniel so much there is still many things that he does not communicate. He is speech delayed and gets therapy for this. It used to be that he did not talk now we are teaching him to use language and to learn emotional expression and communication. I also want to learn the ways that he expresses himself. He may not use words, but he is having a difficult time expressing certain emotions. Our goal is to find his way of expressing these emotions in a proactive way.
continued ... Positives About My Autistic Son
Friday, March 1, 2013
An Off-Day … Rather Blah
I finally found the word that described what I was feeling today, blah. It looks kind of gray and dreary, slightly grumpy with a side of irritability?? Unfortunately, I cannot say that is exactly it either because I still feel giggly and happy about things that are moving in positive directions. So it is blah with a splash of sunshine? I don't know. I cannot be put in a box! Ha ha ha
An Off-Day … Rather Blah
An Off-Day … Rather Blah
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