It’s Time …

I have been contemplating for several months about what I want to do with my life. I have been in a certain kind of limbo for over a year – clinging to what I knew because I was afraid of the unknown. Truth be told, I had not given myself much opportunity to think about what I want to do. We have had so much change and transition that I needed routine and sameness as much as possible. I have spent over four years writing on this blog and I was not ready to stop what I had been doing. It was my best friend, comfort, place of solace; it led me to seek all sorts of things, ideas, enlightenment, and people. I have gone through the process of fully accepting Autism, discovering and rediscovering things about myself, healing, and dealing with some very difficult things from my past. I do not feel finished, but I do feel that I am in a state of redirection. I have found myself no longer able to write as I had in the past.

At first, I felt sad.

I felt as if I was going to become invisible again – then, I realized that in reality I have become more visible in the “real” world. I have become more present over the last few months. By present I mean more engaging and interacting with people in my local area. I have lost contact with many of the people that I connected with online in the beginning. I still talk to a few on occasion, a couple I do have regular contact if not by message then via facebook posts. However, I simply do not have the time to spend online any longer. My posts have lessened, my poetry posts have not been as frequent, and my interactions on places like facebook have been less too. My family needs me, I need to be present in my real life for myself – I had used my blog as a means to escape at times – not always, but I did sink into a pattern when I was struggling with my depression.

 It was part of the problem. 



Continued ... It’s Time …