I spent a lifetime feeling invalidated, I was struck with even more of this when I became a parent. It is interesting how quickly people give advice or communicate how they feel you are doing it wrong. I found this harsh reality even more when it came from mothers, not only special needs ones. People can be so judgmental and down right hateful at times to mothers. I know this happens to fathers too, but there is a foreboding myth that if something is “wrong” with a child, the mother is at fault. Are we still getting blamed for the sex of the child? There is another aspect that plays into this as well and that is the “mom comparison,” which I find frustrating. I wrote about it in this post The Mom Spectrum.
I witnessed even more harshness when it came to special needs mothers.
However, I can really only comment on what I have experienced and witnessed. The moms that I have encountered who do not have special needs children, have given me unwanted advice, made ridiculous comments, or stayed silent and acted like I had the plague. Not all, but many did respond like this. The few parents and organizations I had contact with during the beginning of our journey invalidated me as a parent. When I allowed Daniel to behave certain ways, they scolded me in “loving ways” and made me feel that I did not know what was best for my child. If I did not correct Daniel when he hand-flapped, made loud stimming noises, ran the perimeter of the building, did not make eye contact, and the countless other things I “allowed” him to do, they politely told me that they did not allow their child to do that or they shared (without my asking) how they helped their child to stop such behaviors.
I wish I could say that this has stopped, but sometimes this still happens. Continued ... Empowerment and Validation
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