As for David, he was incredibly vulnerable too. His vulnerability manifested differently than mine. I found him abrasive and confusing. He was mentally drained and exhausted, it was his last year of graduate school and he was trying to heal from his own failed relationships. For several years, his world was nothing but academics and living in a research lab, writing articles and preparing his thesis. During that time he divorced, had several relationships and fell into a relationship by circumstance that left him scarred and even more untrusting than he already was – she did a similar thing to him that one of my ex’s did to me. She came home one day and told him to move out, they were finished, she had found someone else. Short version, when I met him he had felt he reached rock bottom and went to all that he knew – church.
He had exhausted all efforts on his own to pull through depression and isolation.
Our vulnerabilities and lifelong confusions, pains, triggers, etc … from every type of relationship was a formula for a not so healthy relationship. I have written about our relationship from the beginning (I shared the links in the last post) and now that I have more insights it gives an interesting perspective about many of the events that took place. Do I think we were a mistake? No, never. We created three incredible humans with our gene pool. Here is what I do think, we moved too quickly. I did not have time to think. I saw him once and the next thing I knew he was driving my car picking me up from work every day and hanging out at my apartment while I was gone to work or leadership meetings. The second time we hung out with each other he pressured me for a hug and I felt guilt for not wanting to hug. There were specific words used that made feel like I had to.
Those can be red flags.Continued ... “Just Be My Friend” II
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