“Just Be My Friend” IIII

Continued from “Just Be My Friend” III AND the final post from this series. 

Upon many, many, MANY, conversations we came to terms with how each of us brought in our unhealthy learned coping mechanisms as well as ones that we adapted throughout the years based upon faulty beliefs, fear of rejection, pains from failed relationships, so on and so on. Our journey has been hardcore soul searching. We initially did not give up on each other for the sake of our children. We desperately wanted to break the cycles that run through each of our families from relationships to lack of transparency and unhealthy coping mechanisms — the biggest one of all abandonment, physical and emotional. Our purpose was to give our children a better way, something positive and most of all fill them with a sense of stability. We want them to know that they were greatly loved when they are adults. (Of course, now as well.)

When we took on each situation and listened to each other without consequence, things started to change in our communication.

We still have days where we get irritated or frustrated because we experience miscommunication and things can get contorted requiring us to take a break. However, David finally understands my need for quiet — he may forget, but instead of shutting down or trying to engage when I know that it will cause me to become overwhelmed I simply say, “I cannot talk anymore,  this is too much talking I need a break or I cannot process this right now.” If I have hurt his feelings for the way I said something or my tone seems to not match he tells me and gives me the opportunity to explain. We try not to assume or infer anything. We are both trying to be more empathetic toward each other, open, and losing any assumptions. It takes a lot more effort, but it must be done to help with social confusion and needless hurt, and frustration because of how we communicate differently.

We are a building a relationship as friends. 



Continued ... “Just Be My Friend” IIII