Continued from “Just Be My Friend” II …
Random thoughts here before I go into the next post, I am not sure how many people understand what I am expressing in these posts. I am not sure if anyone has felt to the samedegree
of disdain, confusion, fears, and longings toward relationships or not. When it comes to “marriage” it is not really toward the idea of a relationship it has to do with the word and how that word is a trigger for me it makes my mind and body feel shackled with unrealistic ideology and expectations –- anxieties about never being able to have a “normal” relationship. I am not negative toward anyone’s happy relationship — I actually think it is a great thing to read about positive relationships. I want that for my kids, I never want them to experience the types of traumas and pains that I have associated with relationships that includes all relationships. In recent months, I have found that not worrying about it so much and just being is making it much easier. I still have anxiety and panic, but they leave soon enough.
of disdain, confusion, fears, and longings toward relationships or not. When it comes to “marriage” it is not really toward the idea of a relationship it has to do with the word and how that word is a trigger for me it makes my mind and body feel shackled with unrealistic ideology and expectations –- anxieties about never being able to have a “normal” relationship. I am not negative toward anyone’s happy relationship — I actually think it is a great thing to read about positive relationships. I want that for my kids, I never want them to experience the types of traumas and pains that I have associated with relationships that includes all relationships. In recent months, I have found that not worrying about it so much and just being is making it much easier. I still have anxiety and panic, but they leave soon enough.By David and I working toward redefining what marriage is to us and how we would like to live it out has given me a new confidence — it really is ok to be different!
Things are much more positive for me in the friendship department. I have several women who I connect with online who wonderful. We may not interact every day, but we do communicate. I feel that they are strong women who radiate a healthy perspective and balance for their family and themselves. I find it a great pleasure to communicate with other women who are intelligent, make me think, and allow me to share without condemning or judging me. I have not had that in my life so it is a great experience. My life was full of few women friends who only wanted me in their life when they needed something, guy friends, or I was secluded with one boyfriend/spouse. Being online for several years now, I have made friendships that may be considered acquaintances, but I would still help them in any way I could and I try to show my support by reading and “liking” their posts or fb posts. I comment when I have the time too. I have been making several friends in my personal life too and many of them I have come right out telling them that I am Autistic/Aspergers. It has been a great experience so far.
, make me think, and allow me to share without condemning or judging me. I have not had that in my life so it is a great experience. My life was full of few women As I share, I admit I still struggle — I wait for the negative to come and I anticipate the sudden anxiety to strike when I least expect it.
Continued ... “Just Be My Friend” III
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