Some Of My Story I …

I have tried to write a post … each time it has turned into several different posts and it still is not what I want to say. I feel that some of my story may help someone even if it is only one person so be it. I feel vulnerable and scared, but I will share. I am not in the place that I was before and now I have the understanding of those around me that I did not have before. I felt desperate and I chose to get help. Though I have not been extremely direct about our situation when dealing with us discovering that Daniel is Autistic, it is clear in my posts over the years that I did not have much support from family and my husband was here, but not here.

He would let me purchase and even suggest resources to help Daniel, but in his mind – for a long time – he felt that Daniel would “grow” out of it.

He shared this with me a while ago, but the transition into acceptance has taken time. His state of denial was silent, but his actions made it clear that he was not accepting that our son or even I were Autistic. That is another story; however, that nugget plays heavily into my spiral of despair, isolation, hopelessness, and feeling abandoned by everyone except for my mom. This abandonment fueled self-doubt and a constant tug-of-war within me that was questioning if I was doing enough for Daniel and wondering if I was overreacting. I understand what a challenge it has been for David and the major “mind adjustments” that had to take place. I am do empathize with his struggles – he needs to have that freedom to process as well.

However, I still have pain and so does he that has to be worked through.

Continued ... Some Of My Story I …