Side note: For those who are new to my blog I want to clarify that everything I share on here I discuss with my husband. He knows what I write and share. If you were wondering – he feels that my mental and emotional health are far too important for me not to process through. He thinks that it is important that my emotions be validated, expressed, and though some of these things are painful for him, he supports me in writing about it because that is what helps me the most. That is my way of communication – if I do not write I will internalize and that is when the negative thoughts start to become too unbearable.
Back to the story…
The reason that breaking down in front of my aunt was so pivotal is that I do not cry in front of others. I have learned throughout my life how to hide, suppress, disguise with jokes, laughter, being silly, and redirecting conversations/focus so that no one knows what I am feeling. I had to in order to survive my childhood and my adult life. I was not allowed to express depression, anxiety, or even anger I grew up learning to mange everyone else’s emotions while at the same time, being confused and perplexed by them – my own emotions as well as others. I especially, learned not to show any type of emotional “weakness” around family.
I brought all of this into every relationship I have had. Continued ... Some Of My Story II …
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