Recently, Inner Aspie shared a Positively Speaking Challenge that she decided to do as a personal goal for 7 days. I read her personal challenges and pondered over them for that week. I realized that I tend to be more harsh and critical on myself than anyone else. I overcompensate any negative thoughts toward someone else by magnifying their good qualities and turning all of the negative on myself. I used to be a mix of letting everything out on someone without a thought and self-attack.
At some point, the guilt I felt after criticizing, expressing my anger, frustrations, opinions, etc… was too much.
I was already prone to this type of thinking, but I would stand up for myself and tell people they were full of it they criticized me. I would then, (still do) internalize all of their comments and negativity, but I still told them to shove it. I know that the complete internalization transition became rooted once I started going to church. I adopted the false belief that if I had any negative feelings, or expressed myself in a way that upset others than, I was being evil and wrong. A “Christian” never hurts another living soul. While I believe, we should not hurt others, to turn that onto myself is just as wrong. I am a human being too who does not deserve constant criticism by anyone, including myself.
My mom and I talked about this last week. Continued ... A Look At Criticism & Negative Self-Talk
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