Cultivating My Own Support Network

There are people who have had great support from loved ones and friends throughout their life. There are those who have managed to find support to help them, such as finding groups, forums, meetings, organizations, and/or through their religion. I have not had that — my life has been rather lonesome and self-reliant. Though I do not want to say I have not received any support from friends or family, I have. However, it has come at a cost — many times I found that my needs were not actually met. I ended up stuffing my needs out of guilt, shame, or obligation. I had to be ok. I had to get over whatever I was struggling with because others needed more support. Or what I was going through was not “as bad” as what someone else was going through.

It felt as if I was either ignored or that I was on some sort of check list for them, and once they felt I was ok, they could move onto their next thing.

It feels very invalidating and because of this, I’ve grown accustomed to doing things on my own. I had to learn as a child to take care of myself and others. My emotional needs were not a priority to the adults in my life. My basic physical needs were met, but many times accompanied with guilt for needing anything in the first place, unless it was the holidays/birthdays. During those times, I was showered with gifts, but there were also times when I hated getting gifts because I knew that they would only be used against me at some point, if I did something wrong or if I asked for something during the year. I am not sure why I expected more support from my family when we discovered that Daniel was Autistic. I am not really sure what I expected at all, other than wanting to talk to them about it, for them to want to learn about it, and try to understand it along with me.

I did expect for people to listen to me, allow me speak about my concerns, and my enthusiasm at discovering answers.

Continued ... Cultivating My Own Support Network