Not In The Mood

I have found myself the last few days going to social media and the phrase, “Not in the mood” pops in my head. I go to my personal page and grow frustrated and tired of all the memes, political hubbub, holiday battle nonsense, pictures of copious amounts of baked goods to the point of gluttony, followed by other rhetoric of what “Christmas” is all about while glaring lighted trees and glowing packages stab my eyes. I do not mean to sound negative, I am not really I am simply processing my feelings of disconnect. I am tired of the fury rising up within me as I read inspirational quotes from people who condemn homosexuality … quotes that talk about loving unconditionally and the true meaning of Christmas while they attack those that they do not even know with their next post. (??)

It irritates me; I roll my eyes and try to let it go.

I go to my other facebook page where us “misfits” are and find much more solace. However, I have found myself thinking the same thing, “Not in the mood.” It means something different on that page though. It means that I am emotionally tired. I find myself reading and wanting to comment. I want so much to interact and participate, but I haven’t the energy. I even start writing comments, put forth all the energy then, delete it because I am not sure how it will be received. So I go through this back and forth battle in my mind of questioning why I cannot just leave a comment without being bombarded with anxiety. This type of thing comes and goes for me. Some days I have no problems interacting other days I feel a rippling fear.

In full circle, thinking of “not in the mood” it seems that my mind has created a trigger statement to protect itself.

Continued ... Not In The Mood